This is Stupid
by ThatIdioticHomestucker
Summary: WARNING CRACK EVERYWHERE. I got bored and I was slacking off while writing Collegestuck/Hungerstuck and so. Here we are. Btw, I was completely misguided while writing this so shoosh. Its really bad so, I guess, enjoy if you want.


(So, before we begin, a quick warning of like, ginormous crack involved. I had to write a fic for these pairings, so please, bear with me. I'm venting my anger on trying to type up the second page of Collegestuck and starting the Hungerstucks. Anyway, try to enjoy.)

**Be the misguided teen strapped to the metal table. **

You're now the MISGUIDED TEEN STRAPPED TO THE METAL TABLE, or, as you like to call yourself, JOHN EGBERT. Actually, as of now, you're not even sure if you can call yourself that. Because not only are you strapped to the table, millions of other you's are strapped to millions of other tables. And they're all clones as well. So you're not exactly sure whether its you who is the 'REAL' John Egbert, it could be the guy next to you, or the John a couple tables down, hell, for all you know, it could even be that guy in the green tube thingy over there. On second thought, yeah, you think that's him. You stare at him for a second, and then chuckle to yourself ever so childishly when you realize he only has a thin strip of 'underwear' on. Gently, you poke the John next to you and struggle to point. You both chuckle again. Soon after, a row of John's are giggling and chuckling ever so childishly at the almost-naked John in the tank. Almost all of you are just laughing. The scientist in front of you turned around, staring at you all hard. Immediately, all of you shut up.

"Okay, who started the laughing?!" He demanded. You almost chuckled to yourself but held it back and tried raising your hand. "Okay, John, who was it."

"Psst. It was… John." You all started giggling again. The scientist simply shook his head.

"Okay, okay, haha, very funny. Whatever, anyway." He turned back to his tests, and soon, your laughing died down. You felt like an animal right now. These scientists had strapped you all down on metal tables, just cause you were clones. They even came up with a name for you guys. Your files were labeled 'The Johnstrosities.' I mean, you could shrug off that name pretty easily. But then they'd call you other names as well. Some that you probably shouldn't say. But oh well. As soon as you're all let out of these straps, you'll gather your military force and over run the scientists, with John the First leading you. Speaking of him, we should probably get back to him… just cause.

**Be John the First. **

You are now JOHN THE FIRST, or what you like to call yourself, THE '**REAL**' JOHN. Right now you're not awake and you're half-naked and floating in a tube of green sludge stuff. Not like the stuff from Ghostbusters, more like just slime and weird testy goo. You had a couple of wires attached to you on really awkward places, like your nipples, and… you know, maybe you shouldn't go in to that. Wait a second. This was completely useless. You're not even awake, you can't do anything for the story.

**Real John: Continue doing that thing you just said and then be ThatIdioticHomestucker. **

Uh, yeah, okay, that's sort of been established. Why don't you type something useful, that would actually ADD to the story, such as, oh, I DON'T KNOW, 'TIH: Be Angry Munchkin and his boyfriend ==.'

Okay, go on, what are you waiting for? When I said type something useful, I meant type it. Like, right now. You're going to be stubborn now, of all times? Okay, okay, whatever, fine, here, lemme get that for you.

**TIH: Be Angry Munchkin and his boyfriend. **

See, that wasn't so hard, was it? You're welcome, by the way. Next time, don't be so lazy.

You are now THE ANGRY MUNCHKIN AND HIS BOYFRIEND. But, first of all, you are so totally NOT an angry munchkin, and you are also certainly yourself, and not your boyfriend as well. Though sometimes you wish you were. You find him so damn sexy… nothing he could do would change your mind about that. You really love sitting in his lap, and gently putting your arms on his own, oh, and laying up against his chest. Yeah, he's pretty much perfect. A perfect shade of brown, his four, hard legs.

Wait a second. TIH here. Did you think his boyfriend was a person? That's preposterous! I'm laughing. You guys really have a good imagination. No no no, he's dating a CHAIR. Come on, isn't that the least bit obvious?

You obnoxiously push the author out of the way and go back to sitting on Herbert. His cushion was so soft today, you bet he purposely made it nice, just for you. You hug him across the back amorously. This is so nice. You invited him on a date later. But for now, we'll let you get ready while we visit someone else.

**Karkat: Be the messed up kid and his girlfriend. **

You are now THE MESSED UP KID AND HIS GIRLFRIEND. But again, you're pretty sure you aren't two people. But you do know for a fact that you are messed up. In the head, especially. But one thing that doesn't make you messed up, is your love for your beautiful girlfriend. She's literally perfect for you. She doesn't talk a lot, she's tall and skinny, complimented by both red and white. Before we let TIH interrupt again, let's say for the record your gorgeous babe is a WALL. You couldn't be happier. You met after Karkat declared he was your friend and you went almost crazy. Now you are planning on asking your girl, Jessica, if she'll go on a cruise with you… and pay for the whole thing. You think it's a great idea. Her, not so much. She thinks you're being greedy. You say she's being stubborn. She…'s a wall so she's literally not doing any of this, you're just crazy. But we'll casually let you work out your dispute while we visit another friend.

**Sollux: Be Tavros with his Boyfriend. **

Wait, why does he get a proper title? I'm not sure.

You are now TAVROS NITRAM, and yes, you're spending time with your boyfriend after coming home from your moirail. MEENAH is literally the best moirail you can think of, and BEC NOIR just adds to your life. You love him so much, you can't even express. You happen to cry a lot because of this. But for the record, you aren't very important. Honestly even I don't get the point of this story. But let's waste some time and go forward IN time.

**Hours in the future…**

…but not many

You're now KARKAT VANTAS. Right now you're dressed in a fancy, pink dress and you're waiting for your boyfriend Herbert to get ready. You've ordered you two a limo, because you just love him so much. You're pretty sure he's ready right now, and you're about to get into the limo, when Herbert causes an uproar. He says he's found another love. You ask him 'Why?' He says because he's done being with you. Your eyes tear up and pick Herbert up and throw him across the room. You then start rage quitting, and throw a few rocks at the window of the limo, in which the guy then drives off. You then cuddle up on the couch, eating icecream and watching romcoms again. So for the record, you're now considered boring. Let's move on.

**Karkat: Be Sollux again. **

You're now SOLLUX CAPTOR, again. You've been arguing with Jessica for a couple of hours now, and right now, you're about ready to leave for the cruise. But Jessica says that this is stupid and that spending money that you don't have on a cruise is even stupider. You tell her that its all in good intention.

You continue to argue for a bit longer, when suddenly, something knocks on your door. Sighing, you walk over and open it up to Egderp, just what you need.

"John, what do you want," You ask him boredly. He just stands there smiling at you.

"I'm trying to warn you!" You look at him, confused.

"What are you talking about." You ask.

"Me! I'm warning you of me!" You glare at him and then shut the door in his face. God, he is such an idiot. You're about ready to walk back over to Jessica, when the ground begins shaking under your feet. You curse to yourself for your god awful lusus and decide to go upstairs to the roof, but, you don't, because something else happens first.

**John(s): Bombard Sollux's hive with yourselves. **

The ground doesn't stop shaking. You run over and look out the window. All you see is… JOHN. JOHN. FUCKING. EGBERT. JUST, EVERYWHERE. You yell and scream as he breaks through your windows and doors. You don't quite understand. There are John's in jackets, John's in suits, dead John's, God Tier John's. But one thing is the same about all of them. They're all EGBERT.

You're thinking about all of this in your head and don't realize that both you and Jessica are about to suffocate in John. Until you do. You just suffocated. You're now dead. Good job.

**Dead Sollux: Be Karkat again. **

You are now KARKAT VANTAS, again. Right now you're still on the couch, but you feel something wrong. Confused, you call your friend Sollux. No answer. Now you're really confused. You call his girlfriend, but of course she doesn't answer. She never does. She must hate you. You plan on going over to Sollux's, but the ground underneath starts shaking. You don't understand any of this, really. Until you look outside your window. You see John. You wave. He waves back, and grins real wide at you. He's scaring you, you decide, and suddenly, he jumps through your window. You yell at him. Until more John's start jumping through the window. You scream as they fill up the room and you go to huddle by Herbert. Even if he doesn't love you, he's a good person to have around, and as soon as you sit by him, he leans in and kisses you. Or rather, you lean in and kiss him because he's a chair, and he can't really move. Not long later, you're both suffocated. Its too late.

**Years in the future…**

…but not many.

Your name is JOHN EGBERT. Right now you happen to be sitting on your throne, looking down on all of your subjects. You took over the world with your army some time ago. Your army of yourself. It just so happens that today is the anniversary of your ruling day, so you're making all of your residents make themselves cakes and then making them eat the cakes, because you think that's only fitting. All of your friends (except yourself) are dead, but you really couldn't care less. You're just about ecstatic, having married, well, none other than yourself. The wedding was John themed, and it couldn't have been better. You're really happy with your life now. Its better this way, you tell yourself. You kill and suffocate the people that step out of line, which isn't many anymore. You make sure of that. But right now, you're afraid you need to go whip the slaves. They're not creating power fast enough, your lights seem to be more dimmed than usual. You think you've told them a lot of times, but they just don't seem to listen. Regular day, you guess.

You get up, and start walking down the long stairways to the slave quarters/dungeon, where you grab your golden and blue whip. You laugh to yourself and think about a lot of things as you walk down. 'You'd better be ready, slaves. Your king is coming for you…'


End file.
